My Tough Love Letter to Polyamorists

Hey you,


Learn how to truly love yourself first, before you ever apply sensual touch to anyone else ever again.

I'm speaking in general terms when I say love.

Because sex with multiple people is not love.

Sex with multiple people (along with casual sex) is gratification, which often becomes obsession with sex itself, and thus essentially it is masturbating while using another persons body as an object. It is not making love.

It is using sex as a game.

Polyamory is essentially sexual fetishization of people as bodies, as if people are not truly souls.

This is true even if you feel any measure of love or what you would consider to be caring, for the person who you are having sex with, if you practice polyamory.

We also know that scientifically, there is a chemical bond formed between two people when they have sex. This bond is then sensed by all people involved (even if "only" subconsciously at first) when a person with multiple sex partners then has sex with someone else, and someone else after that. Then, going back to the first sex partner, that sex partner feels cheated on chemically and emotionally / spiritually, because of the connection(s) which their partner is maintaining with other people by having a reckless lifestyle of regular multiple sex partners.

Remember that your brain, though it has different parts, is still one brain. You are still one person. What is placed in the subconscious, or denied within your emotions, doesn't stay hidden. All is uncovered, in time, and with certain circumstances.

In the new age, polyamory is often touted as an ideal way to be "open", to new experiences. While talking about tantric sexual experiences as if they're crown chakra based, people are often not even aware that what they're speaking of is in actuality base chakra / base instinct sexuality, and not spiritual sensuality. People like me are scoffed at and told that we can have healing experiences with polyamory.

Those so-called healing experiences polyamorists speak of, are fleeting, and are doing far more long term damage to both themselves and to all of their sex partners than they're consciously aware of. That, or they have allowed their sex drive to become so out of control, that they deny they are hurting both others, and themselves.

It's entirely possible, probable, realistic, and proven, that when polyamorists address their core inner wounding, which has caused them to allow themselves this harmful lifestyle of using other peoples bodies for masturbation, and do the work to overcome and clear past traumas from both their physical and subtle bodies, this perverted sex drive they developed as a result, becomes healed as well.

There is nothing wrong with a period of celibacy in ones life. I've been celibate for about 8 years so far, though that's not because of a polyamorous past, and nowhere near that long celibate is required to recover from a polyamorous lifestyle.

And yet, as a creative person, I still have sensual energies which I channel into artistic activites which are not sexual, because I'm single, and because I don't use people.

Being single is still viewed as if there must be something wrong with the person who is single. As if it can't be just because a person has standards, and believes in true love.

I get offers for dates from time to time, and recognizing that there is no energy there for me, for anything which could result in a long term relationship, I say no.

If you're one of those people who is in a situation where your partner, the person you love and who you thought loved you, tells you they want a polyamorous situation, please find the strength to walk away. Because I'm sorry to say, that your partner doesn't love you. And you deserve to be with someone who actually loves you.

Your partner is obsessed with sex. Your partner is unhealthy, because they feel unable to fully own their own sensual and sexual energies in a responsible fashion, so that they can have and maintain, a healthy long term romance with only one person.

And yes, I realize that many polyamorists are in that lifestyle because of sexual abuse they have suffered. I have compassion for that, so that instead of enabling their behaviour, I speak bluntly about it, yet it comes from a place of love.

There is a future for you which is not sex based, if you can find the strength within to get help and make change. Give yourself the time to breath, to feel, to heal. It's not just a meme; the only way out really is through, not around.

Whether it's some form of secular or energy healing based therapy, there are many ways for you to heal, and become conscientious as concerns your sensual and sexual energies.

And when you have found your way through, on your own terms with the therapy you choose, and in your own time, you can find and maintain, a romance with just one other person, and feel completely fulfilled in your life. Yes, that romance will still include tantric cosmic sexual experiences between you and your partner, if you choose to have those with a person who is compatible with you. Just ask any monogamous person who practices tantra, and who is in a long term relationship. You can also become the type of person who finds and maintains emotional friendships with people, without feeling the need to change and abuse the energies between yourself and another, by causing the relationship to become sexual. Yes, you can even do this when your friends are very good looking and charismatic.

To all who read this, I wrote every word of this, as a love letter to you, and so I hope that you choose to feel my intent, rather than allow any triggering which may have occured by my words, to cause you stagnancy.

All the best.


Love,
Graisi O'Hara